Passed along by old Richmond VA radio buddy (formerly WRXL-FM PD and currently professional Mom) Ilyse "Jennings" Johnson...

1. No matter what she says, the sexy-sounding girl on the request line who wants to do the wild thing with you is ugly and underage.
2. If you give your girlfriend/boyfriend the hotline number, she/he will always call when the PD is trying to reach you.
3. No matter how long the song, your bathroom break is just a little longer.
4. If you give away a prize to the 10th caller, the 9th will always think you're screwing him, and half the time, will try to sue.
5. If your General Manager likes the way the station is sounding, you're in trouble.
6. If your local record rep likes the way the station is sounding, you're really in trouble.
7. To the air staff, the sales department is a necessary evil.
8. To the sales department, the air staff isn't necessary.
9. Any engineering adjustments are always made during your shift.
10. Your headphones are missing, but there's no thief in the station.
11. No matter how long the intro to the song, it isn't long enough to get every bit of your "way cool break" before the vocal.
12. The commercial that runs twice overnight on Sunday is the same one you had to cut six different times, before the client was satisfied with the "read."
13. A salesperson who says he "pays your salary" doesn't like to be told, "Get off your ass and sell something so I can get a raise."
14. Most record reps "used to be" great programmers.
15. 19 out of 20 requests are for the song currently being played.
16. 19 out of 20 callers don't know the title or the artist, but it's their favorite song. And, it's about love and has "baby" in it somewhere.
17. Songs that end cold always catch you off-guard.
18. Your original, great idea has been done somewhere else before. Probably twice. And always better.
19. No matter how hot you think you are, the same caller is hitting on the overnight intern.
20. A picture accompanying a resume is absolutely, positively irrelevant...unless she's really good looking.
21. The song that skips will always come up on YOUR show.
22. No air check is ever done on a clean tape. Everyone uses an air check tape from a recent job applicant.
23. You do 99% of your breaks perfectly and screw up only one. Which do you think the PD will hear?
24. A GREAT promotion turns to shit as soon as a client is attached.
25. Most contest callers have no idea what they're calling in to win.
26. Chances are the new car in the parking lot does NOT belong to anyone on the air staff.
27. If you bring a drink into the control room (against the edict of every memo that's ever been written), no matter how careful you are, you will spill it.
28. When you have a really hot date, your relief jock is always late.
29. Nothing is scarier than hearing your Top of the Hour Show Intro while you're in the car on the way to the station.
30. Show prep is getting into the control room before the last song fades.
31. Why do most jocks fear time off? 95 out of 100 jobs are lost while you're on vacation.
32. No matter how many times you've been turned down for the "big" gig, you know you're better than all the jocks in New York.
33. Bad ratings are never accurate....Arbitron methodology can't be trusted...unless, of course, the book is UP. Then it's right on track.
34. Just when you think you have the most ignorant listeners, one will tell you how great you sound.
35. 85% of all radio station owners are cheap.
36. 15% of all radio station owners spend money only when they're trying to sell the station.
37. When the owner calls a meeting to tell everyone the station isn't for sale.....it is. This is particularly true if pizza is served at the meeting!
38. Regarding "format change" rumors: If management tells you not to worry about it--WORRY!
39. The more times you practice a bit before airing it, the more likely you are to screw it up on-air.
40. No matter WHAT you've heard, no one has ever gotten laid in the Promotion Van.